Author’s Note: I really wish I had the guts to post this on the bulletin board in our hallway, but I just don’t dare!

Dear Neighbor:

It’s bad enough your pot smoke permeates my apartment on a nearly daily basis, but now you’re leaving condom wrappers all over the parking lot? I suppose I should be grateful it’s not used condoms you’re trailing behind you on your walk of shame. Don’t get me wrong, I’m hardly a prude. I say “go for it” as long as what you’re doing is safe and legal. I just don’t need to know about your sexual prowess. Something makes me think you’re bragging by using Trojan extra large condoms anyway, but even if you’re not, I don’t need to know about the size of your man bits. Surely you have a trash can in you apartment in which you can dispose of these materials, and if you’re having sex in your car, might I suggest using the cup holder for any such leftovers in the future? There is such a thing as the right to privacy — yours would benefit from cleaning up after yourself.Or perhaps you’d like me to leave my bra and panties hanging from my car window the next time I’ve had a bit of fun? The choice is yours.

Sincerely,

Your neighbor in too much information