I try really hard not to swear as a matter of general discourse. I don’t mind listening to others swear (within reason) but I just don’t feel like it’s particularly ladylike or professional, so I usually make up fake swears when I feel the need to go off on someone or something. However, there are those times where a well placed bit of profanity is necessary to protect your sanity, and in those times I find myself turning to the word “ass” and all its variations (my particular favorite  is “assface” which I think I stole from Fletch if I remember correctly). Let’s face it, “ass” and its variations are the most politically correct swears – everyone has one and everyone can be one so it’s not discriminatory in any way.

Without further ado, these are my favorite anatomically influenced swear-y movie quotes:

It’s all about ass, isn’t it? You kick it or you lick it.   — Fat Man And Little Boy (best Paul Newman quote EVER!!)

You can kiss my ass in the public square!  — Apocalypse Now (Can’t say how many times I’ve used this quote)

Why don’t we all just line up and kiss his ass!?!  — Lone Wolf McQuade (use this one in regards to work quite a bit more than I want to admit)

She’s got a great ass, and you’ve got your head ALL THE WAY UP IT!!   —  Heat (don’t use this one often but it’s a great Al Pacino quote)

Shut yo ass, boy!  – Smokey And The Bandit (going to put this into my swearing dictionary – haven’t said it yet, but I needed one final quote to round out my top five and Bill mentioned this one. Have to say I love it, though! Who knew Jackie Gleason was so quoteable?)

And since I mentioned faux swearing, I thought I’d share this gem of a phrase I heard on talk radio yesterday (won’t say which host used it for fear of outing myself politically):

To jump in someone’s chili– the same as jumping in someone’s s^$# meaning you’re going to throw down on someone.  Great isn’t it?

So now I picture myself getting pissed at someone and saying “Shut yo’ ass boy or I’ll jump in your chili!!”

Yeah, I’m not right. I know this. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.