Day Four of my BeKindRewrite story. Should have posted it yesterday but real life got in the way;)
“Time out on the field. This will be a 30 second timeout.” The static of the referee’s microphone crackled through the stadium as the Bears starting lineup ran to the sideline and circled their offensive coordinator, Coach Michael Chandler. As fiercely intense as they looked in their full pads and helmets, it was easy to forget that they were just boys, and Michael had more reason than most coaches to remember that. His son was the starting quarterback, and though their relationship had been tested many times, the football field wasn’t the place to dwell on the past.
“Okay, guys, huddle up. We’re gonna run a quarterback sweep to the left side. Johnson, Markus, you’re blocking 86. Stay on his ass no matter where he goes. Richardson, you go right and stay on 65. He’s the only threat on that side. Bears on three.”
The players raised their arms in solidarity. “1…2…3.. BEARS!”
As the players took the field, Coach Chandler returned to the sideline and gave his son the signal. You can do this son, he thought, willing the play to work. You can do this!
(word court 189- as my screenplay writing husband would say, I can fix this in post)
Ah, all the things we think but never say. A little communication would go a long way for this father and son! But the “football field isn’t the place” line really speaks to his state of mind. Really works.
Pingback: Fourth and Goal Part IV- Intensity | Jen’s Rambling Thoughts | Voice Week HQ
A little backstory and reflection with a reality-check, nicely done, you weave in these details with subtleness. 🙂
Thanks, believe it or not, this was the hardest part to write. I wanted to make sure my voice sounded authentic to a football huddle, so I asked my husband what play he’d call in that situation and if my dialogue sounded realistic. I’m glad it worked:) It’s been a fun week.
Research always strengthens stories, it’s really evident and has paid well to take that initiative to get it right.
Hmm…I don’t like seeing families being reduced to looking at one another as a means to an end. You did a great job capturing that sentiment.
I wasn’t sure how that would play out – I do know some coaches who have coached their sons and it usually is a pretty touchy relationship, especially because they have to be harder on their sons than the rest of the team so it doesn’t look like blatant nepotism. I’m glad it worked.
Yeah…what worries me is when that takes over and the child becomes an object for the parent to use, a tool rather than a person. Family before sports. Period.
Huh… there’s a lot left untold here, and I think that is a good thing. I really wonder what their relationship is like off the field.
I don’t understand the football talk, but I got the pressure he’s under and putting the kids under. And the difficult relationship between father and son – he needs to lead the way and open some lines of non-psychic communication!