Ok, so here’s the real one:

And here’s how the text would read if this were the cover of a UMass football program:

It promises to solve UMass football’s 2-22 record.  It’s backed by Jack Welch, James Ihedigbo and the Friends of UMass Football. The office costs $50,000,000 and operates on Powerade, trick plays and swearing, and no opposing team knows how it actually works.

The Whiplash Attack

By Mark Whipple